An interview with our Guest Contributor, Jessica Bondy

Jess, can you share some of the pivotal moments or experiences that shaped your professional path?

I studied sciences and from there went into research, but I really found my calling when I moved into the commercial world, working in communications and marketing for some incredible agencies and brands. A pivotal moment came after my mother’s early passing, which inspired me to take the leap and start my own agency, realising life is too short to hold back. Coaching and mentoring young people to realise their potential also became a rewarding part of my work. The next major milestone was establishing Words Matter. It came one wintry morning and was fuelled not only by my desire to make a difference, but because of all my experience – lived and professional – until that point.

Founding Words Matter marked a significant shift from corporate consulting to advocacy. What inspired you to make this transition, and how has your personal experience influenced this journey?

The transition came about during a transformative Zoom course about women finding their voice and speaking up. In the penultimate session, we were asked to speak about the legacy we’d want to leave if we had only six months to live. Sitting at my desk that cold, grey morning, I had a eureka moment – an epiphany where everything fell into place. I realised that if my time were limited, I had to dedicate myself to ending the verbal abuse of children by adults because words matter. Everyone on the line was not only stunned but deeply moved. The idea had come to me in that moment because of my own experience and because so many of the young people and clients I had coached and mentored had been so deeply impacted by the words they had heard growing up.  What struck me when I did my own research was the extensive evidence of the profound damage of childhood verbal abuse and that no other organisation in the world had ever focussed solely on addressing it. I felt compelled to make Words Matter a reality and to be the first organisation to address it. A staggering 2 in 5 (41%) children experience verbal abuse by adults. I had to do something about it.

What were some of the biggest challenges you faced while setting up Words Matter, and how did you overcome them?

Interestingly, when I set up Words Matter, I approached it much like I did when starting my agency – I just got on with it. Having done it before, I had the confidence to build something from scratch. However, founding a charity was entirely new to me and very different from the commercial world. What kept me going was the incredible support I received – so many people believe in my vision, and I have been fortunate to build a high-profile Advisory Board and gain allies from so many leading organisations.

Drawing on my background in research and communications, I knew from the start that everything we did had to be rooted in evidence to build credibility, and this was a key starting point but took a bit of time.

The biggest challenge so far however has been funding, which I didn’t fully envisage having been in the commercial world. Unlike pitching for clients in communications and marketing, philanthropy requires not only building trust and demonstrating expertise, but delivering impact plays a key part. This is a tough hurdle for a startup charity. I want to create change quickly, and it is hard when you can’t achieve as much as you want at the pace that is so clearly needed.

Words Matter focuses on the profound impact of verbal abuse. Why do you think society often underestimates the harm caused by verbal abuse compared to other forms of abuse?

Despite the shocking statistic that 2 in 5 children experience verbal abuse by adults, this issue has largely flown under the radar, overshadowed by other forms of abuse like physical and sexual abuse. These forms of abuse have rightly received significant attention and funding, leading to substantial progress in reducing their prevalence. Childhood verbal abuse, however, remains overlooked and unchallenged, in part because of deeply ingrained beliefs about what it is and misconceptions about the harm it can do. Societal and cultural norms become ingrained. Many remember the old nursery rhyme about ‘sticks and stones’, and the idea that ‘what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’ However, research tells a very different story – childhood verbal abuse can be just as harmful as other forms of abuse, with devastating and profound lifelong effects.

What is even more alarming is that emotional abuse, of which verbal abuse is a primary component, is now the most prevalent form of child maltreatment and continues to rise. We must bring it out of the shadows and ensure it receives the attention it deserves. As the eminent Professor Peter Fonagy at UCL has highlighted, verbal abuse is one of the most significant modifiable causes of lifelong mental health disorders. Addressing it isn’t just important; it’s essential for the well-being of future generations.  

From your research and work, what are some of the long-term effects of verbal abuse on children, and how can we better support those who’ve been impacted?

The damage caused by childhood verbal abuse by adults is significant and far-reaching. It erodes self-esteem, disrupts relationships, and impairs a child’s ability to thrive in school, work, and social settings. Long-term effects can include anxiety, depression, PTSD, substance abuse, self-harm and even suicide. Research shared at our first international conference last year, co-hosted with WHO and UCL, highlighted the alarming global economic cost of not addressing childhood verbal abuse – over $300 billion annually.

Society’s lack of awareness and understanding of the impact, combined with the absence of resources and training in this area for parents, carers, educators and other adults around children, means that many adults unintentionally use harmful language unaware of its lasting effects. Those that have been impacted, need to have this form of harm acknowledged and be supported with compassion and understanding.

What role do you think schools, parents, and communities can play in preventing verbal abuse and fostering emotionally safe environments for children?

Parents, carers, schools, communities, and all adults around children play a crucial role in preventing this form of abuse. Adults are role models for children. By speaking to them in a kind, calm, compassionate, and respectful way, we teach them to respect themselves and others.

Sadly, many adults unintentionally use harmful language without realising the impact which is why our approach is based on the belief that when people know better, they can do better. We’re dedicated to helping parents, carers, teachers, and all adults who interact with children understand the power of their words and provide the tools and support needed to stop it. Through positive reinforcement and practical communication tips and advice, we can create lasting changes that protect children.

It’s also important to step in if you think children may be being spoken to in harmful ways. While the scars of verbal abuse may be invisible, there are often signs such as anxiety, low confidence, withdrawal, difficulty concentrating, or frequent aches and pains that a child may be demonstrating. Change is possible if we all work together to support children and all the people around them.

The For Baby’s Sake Trust works to break the cycle of domestic abuse for babies and children by supporting both parents. How do you see Words Matter complementing the work of organisations like ours?

I see a strong synergy between our organisations, as both of us are dedicated to breaking the cycle of abuse for babies and children by supporting parents. Domestic abuse often involves verbal abuse, and when children witness or experience it, the long-term harm can be damaging. Research also shows that mothers who have faced interpersonal trauma or poor treatment from their partners are more likely to direct verbal hostility towards their children. Studies also reveal that children who experience verbal abuse are more likely to seek out abusive relationships in adulthood, and sadly, may perpetuate the cycle of abuse themselves.

This is why organisations like For Baby’s Sake Trust and Words Matter are so essential. Together, we can break the cycle of abuse and create a healthier and happier future for children.

What policy changes do you believe are most urgently needed to address the issue of verbal abuse and its consequences?

There are two concurrent policy goals: Recognising childhood verbal abuse by adults formally so data can be collected in a unified way; and raising awareness and understanding of this issue and its significant impact.

As highlighted through our extensive systematic review with UCL and Wingate, childhood verbal abuse by adults must be formally recognised as its own distinct maltreatment subtype. Currently, the term ‘emotional abuse’ is widely used and includes childhood verbal abuse, but our research shows that this term is often victim-centric, focusing more on the harm done to the child. By framing it as verbal abuse, we can shift the focus to the perpetrator’s behaviour, which is essential for developing targeted interventions and prevention strategies. This lack of distinction from emotional abuse means that its prevalence is not always being recorded or measured, which puts in place barriers to addressing it effectively.

We need to raise awareness amongst those who spend time around children so they understand its damaging impact and ways to prevent childhood verbal abuse. There needs to be more comprehensive training and guidance for adults including parents, carers, teachers, coaches, social workers and healthcare providers. This will ensure they can identify and address verbal abuse effectively.

Ultimately, any changes should aim to create a more holistic and proactive approach to children’s mental and physical health and development reflected in education and safeguarding children, where verbal abuse is not only recognised as harmful but also actively prevented through early intervention and education. Only then can we ensure that all children grow up in environments where they feel safe, valued, and supported.

Transitioning to purpose-driven work can be both rewarding and challenging. What have been the most fulfilling moments for you since founding Words Matter?

There have been countless fulfilling moments since founding Words Matter. One of the most rewarding has been connecting with so many incredible people – experts, decision-makers, other organisations, and individuals with lived experience – who believe in our mission and support our work, often on a voluntary basis. Every week, we hear from someone expressing gratitude for the work we are doing, which is deeply motivating.

A major highlight was seeing our work featured on the front page of The Guardian, with coverage extending globally. Another milestone was hosting our first international conference on childhood verbal abuse in partnership with WHO and UCL, where 1,300 people registered to attend. Having the issue of childhood verbal abuse discussed in the House of Lords was another significant achievement, further validating the importance of this cause.

More recently, an important milestone has been launching and piloting our first training programme – which is now ready for widespread rollout. These moments, big and small, are all reminders of the steps we’re taking towards a future where verbal abuse is recognised and prevented.

What is your long-term vision for Words Matter, and how do you hope to expand its impact in the years to come?

Our long-term vision for Words Matter is to create a world free from childhood verbal abuse, where every child can thrive and reach their full potential. To achieve this, we remain focused on our three core pillars of work: conducting vital research on the scale and impact of verbal abuse; raising awareness through campaigns, resources, and training; and collaborating with others to develop, and deliver effective interventions.

Scaling our efforts is essential, and we can only do this with the necessary funding. We want every parent, carer, teacher, and adult working with children to understand the profound impact of words and how to communicate with children, so they can reach their potential.