Father’s Day 2024 with Therapeutic Practitioner Jon Nelson

Jon, an you share your experience of parenthood and how it has shaped your approach to your work with dads in For Baby’s Sake?

Parenthood has been the hardest and best thing I have ever experienced. I have learnt a lot about myself and it has given me a greater empathy for those families we work with. I was very fortunate to have a very stable, loving childhood and I have found parenting very hard at times so can only look on in awe at how some of the families we work with adapt given the examples they had.

My own experiences have given me a greater insight into work with the dads on the programme as I have an appreciation for the times they appear lost or unsure as well as the experiences they have had feeling somewhat sidelined at times during the run-up to the birth.

What are some common challenges you observe among the dads you work with as a Therapeutic Practitioner, and how do you support them in overcoming these challenges?

I think a common challenge I experience is fathers lacking in confidence in their abilities or connection with their child. I think for a lot of dads (including myself) I worried about how I would manage and if I would be a good father.

My dad gave me some good advice ahead of my child being born which was don’t worry if you feel overwhelmed or a little lost when you first hold them, it takes time for it to sink in and then you’ll just be swept along by it all. I think this is a feeling shared by the fathers and why I feel Video Interaction Guidance (VIG)  can be so powerful especially with fathers, being able to see for themselves that their baby is connecting with them and that they are much more capable then they thought can really lift some of the dads.

In your experience, what are some of the most rewarding aspects of fatherhood, both personally and in your work?

I think the little moments are the most rewarding for me, the small smiles, expressions and character that come through from my child more than make up for those tough sleepless nights. I have found that these are the little things that I remember as a lot of memories are a bit of a blur. I also love the raw emotions (some more than others). The pure joy my child feels about the smallest things really puts things in perspective for me; they are the one that lifts me up even if they don’t know they do yet.

In terms of my work as a Therapeutic Practitioner, I think the shared experience has helped me a lot when connecting with some of the fathers I work with. Being able to say with authority that I understand how they are feeling deepens the therapeutic relationship greatly, and some of my preconceptions have definitely changed since becoming a father.

How do you approach building trust and rapport with the dads you work with, especially considering the complex issues they may be facing?

I think a lot of the dads we work with have pre-conceived ideas of how they will be viewed or treated; either being dismissed or disbelieved. A lot of the early sessions are about giving space and time so that the dads feel heard, by giving space and opportunity they begin to perceive our work as different to what they may have expected. We also have the advantage of time with our families so we are able to give them space. Whilst being non-judgmental but not colluding with their views or behaviours it opens up conversations and trust. This trust is the most vital part of the work in my opinion as when you have this you can challenge openly and focus on the source of a lot of behaviours.

Can you describe a particularly memorable success story or moment in your work with dads that highlights the impact of For Baby’s Sake?

A real standout moment for me came towards the end of the work with one of my first families. This father had struggled greatly with managing his emotions towards his first child. He held a lot of shame and guilt around becoming that person again as he was expecting his 2^nd child. He was a big rugby player who used a lot of humour as a shield but towards the end he was able to speak openly about his feelings at that time and reflect upon how different his relationship was with his 2^nd child but also how he was able to repair his relationship with his first child. He was very grateful for that as I believe he felt that that connection was irrecoverable. Something that stuck in my mind after working with him was ‘I don’t want them (his children) to wonder if their dad loves them I want them to know he does’.

What advice would you give to new or expectant dads who may feel overwhelmed or unsure about their role?

You’re not alone in this feeling, you are more capable than you know yet, you will struggle but that’s okay. It’s okay to ask for help and to not know.

What role do you see dads playing in childhood development and family well-being, and how does For Baby’s Sake support them in fulfilling this role?

Dads play an integral role in their children’s lives, this is reflected in the amount of parents that we speak to who discuss how conflict, separation and abuse impacted their childhood and subsequently adulthoods. Very few of the dads I have worked with have had positive male role models in their lives and I feel this is a huge part of any parents responsibilities.

We know how an unsafe and toxic environment can negatively impact a child’s development and wellbeing that’s why giving dad’s the information to be informed of their role and how they can impact their child’s life both positively and negatively is so important.

How do you address the unique needs and experiences of dads from diverse backgrounds and communities in your work?

I feel holding an open mind is best when going into any case, it can be hard not to hold certain preconceived ideas but each parent can teach you something or make you reflect in a different way.

Finally, as a dad yourself, what’s been your most surprising “dad moment” that still makes you smile whenever you think about it?

Probably doing a 2-hour improvised disco at 2am when my child was little – didn’t expect that to be the thing that would settle them and get them to sleep!